Facing Liminality Together

One team’s journey through uncertainty and anxiety

INTRODUCTION

The strength of a tribe lies in its ability to support its members through change. Sebastian Junger

The State of Ohio has created a deep state of uncertainty among school mental health support teams by not telling them what, if anything, they will be doing in schools this fall. This post details how I helped an early childhood mental health team use their anxiety to build the collective resilience, mutual support, and team identity that will allow them to effectively respond to whatever the State throws at them.

Why should you care about how this team handled liminality, which is “the space between” two known things in architecture or life? Because brains crave predictability, and we all face unprecedented levels of social uncertainty that have already affected our teams and communities:

• Less than 30 percent think most people can be trusted—the lowest recorded value. Brookings.

• People of all educational levels feel overwhelmed by what the world throws at them. Brookings.

• A Stress in America Survey shows that 81% of Americans reported global uncertainty as one of their primary sources of stress.

• A May 2023 Reuters/Ipsos poll shows that 61 percent of American adults said they believe that A.I. could threaten the future of civilization.

• Studies also emphasize that prolonged uncertainty in the workplace causes decreased job satisfaction, increased psychological strain, and higher turnover.

With the increasing pace of change today, we live in perpetual liminality.

However, liminality can be a door to reinvention and innovation if you have a process for managing the anxiety that blocks change.

With the help of many, I’ve recently worked through my own liminal space – getting sober, divorcing, and rebooting my life at age 55. My daily practices allowed me to create this process for managing liminality and retreat experiences for learning it. Moreover, sobriety has given me a sense of empathy and humility that will enable me to be with people in a way that creates the safety necessary for authentic conversation to emerge.

The goal of the retreat was to improve team collaboration and performance despite the trauma of their existential uncertainty. Through meditation, interactive exercises, and vulnerable conversations, the experience provided the team with:

• Greater individual and collective resilience to face uncertainty and anxiety.

• Increased capacity for mutual support that will help them through future challenges.

• An inspiring identity to help them reinvent themselves in the face of constant change.

According to them, it worked; this post will illuminate why.

My goal is to offer this experience to others so that teams and communities can confront their collective uncertainty of liminal space together to create a future that works for all. On a social level, this work can serve as an antidote to the isolation and addictions inherent in modern society (consumption, gambling, drugs, pornography, social media) because “the opposite of addiction is community, and community-based rituals reinforce our sense of belonging” (Sebastian Junger). I hope you find this helpful.

CONTEXT: CONNECTION BEFORE CONTENT

Social safety helps us cope more effectively during challenging times, allowing us to manage stress and feel more resilient. Cheryl Step, MS, LPC, NCC, NCSC

Content is the material of our work – the problems we solve – but human connection brings the safety necessary for people to be vulnerable enough to authentically share the discomfort and dread they face during liminal times. Consequently, re-establishing and deepening connection was the essential thread throughout the retreat.

The vulnerability concomitant to uncertainty helps connect teams more deeply. The first step in transmuting pain is to simply “be with” another as they fall into seemingly irredeemable despair; by simply holding them as they fall into the abyss, we offer the essential soul safety that builds the deepest trust imaginable. We can therefore use liminality to create the kinds of team bonds that allows them to grow through anything.

Retreat experience

We opened the retreat with a team dinner. When people were almost finished, we asked them to talk about what they loved about working on this team; they had a great conversation full of laughs and compliments, and they left the dinner table ready for the retreat. When we then gathered in a circle in the conference room, people introduced themselves and answered why the retreat was important to them and what they intended to get out of it. To build on this foundation, we consistently asked people to answer personal, ambiguous, and vulnerability-inducing questions in groups of three (without tables) before reflecting on their small group conversation with the whole group.

THE PROCESS

1.   Practice Mindfulness

The habit of spending nearly every waking moment lost in thought leaves us at the mercy of whatever our thoughts happen to be. Mindfulness is a way of breaking this spell. Sam Harris

Mindfulness is simply a state of clear, nonjudgmental, and undistracted attention to the contents of consciousness, whether pleasant or unpleasant; the ability to notice and let go of thoughts and feelings so that we can be present to everything around us.

The basic practice of mindfulness is to follow the breath and return to it when you notice you are lost in thought. Notice and return, notice and return; that’s it. After even a few 10-minute mindfulness sessions, people significantly increase their capacity to notice when they are distracted by thought throughout the day. Journaling, yoga, and prayer can also be mindfulness practices when used as the anchor to which you return when lost in thought. 

Mindfulness develops our capacity to notice our thoughts, feelings, and impulses, which gives us the power to choose rather than react. We also gain valuable information that we often miss: our other thoughts and feelings, the thoughts and feelings of other people, and sensory data—information that might be helpful to our well-being, our work, and our relationships with colleagues. Mindfulness also provides an ever-available source of stillness and peace within ourselves that can be tapped during liminal times.

Retreat experience

• After introductions, we did the “Cutie exercise,” asking people to focus on each sense as they peeled a mandarin. This helped people slow down and notice something they usually miss: the feel, sound, and smell involved in eating a mandarin. Some remarked that they usually wolf them down as a snack and don’t even taste them.

• Then, the group went on an outdoor guided nature sounds meditation; when they were finished, they journaled about their experience. We then gathered inside in a circle to discuss the process and experience of mindfulness and how it might help their work.

• The next morning, we began the day by doing a 10-minute guided meditation, followed by more co-learning about the potential impact of this experience on their work.

2.  Be Vulnerable

Vulnerability is the root of authentic leadership and meaningful connection. It can help us build trust, foster creativity, and deeply engage with our colleagues. Brene Brown

Vulnerability is “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure … that unstable feeling we get when we step out of our comfort zone or do something that forces us to loosen control.” Brene Brown. It allows us to ask others how they are doing and get curious about their feelings, inviting them to become vulnerable. And being vulnerable inspires care for and support of each other.

Why is this important? As Brene Brown’s research shows: "No vulnerability, no creativity. No tolerance for failure, no innovation. If you're not willing to build a vulnerable culture, you can't create."

Retreat experience

After the team leader invoked their liminal space, we asked people to get in groups of three with someone they wanted to know better. We then asked them to share the story of a time when they recently felt dread about the future of the team and their work together (in other words, “describe in the abyss that you stare into”). We always tell the listeners: don’t be helpful; get curious. After 15 minutes, we discussed what was most important about those conversations, what they learned, and the big choices they confronted that gave them anxiety.

Other prompts/questions we might have asked people to answer in small groups to generate vulnerability:

• Tell a story of a recent failure or frustrating challenge. 

• What story about yourself keeps you from being your best self at work?

• What gift do you hold in exile from your co-workers?

3.   Know Your Gifts

We all have gifts and talents. When we cultivate those gifts and share them with the world, we create a sense of meaning and purpose in our lives. Brene Brown

Gifts are inherent qualities and learned skills (anything you can teach) of individuals and groups that you are called to contribute to each other and the world. The importance of honest self-reflection is usually mentioned to people who deny their problems. But people often have a harder time identifying and accepting their gifts than spotting their shortcomings; we frequently deflect compliments, making it harder to understand how powerful we truly are.

Focusing on our gifts is more powerful than calling out weaknesses. Reframing contributions made at work as gifts rather than transactions reinforces the inherent relatedness and choice underlying our actions within a team. When we stop bartering for others’ efforts, we become committed to the team and mutual support. Understanding gifts is essential to developing a powerful identity.

Many of us also withhold our most unique gift from work teams for fear it will be rejected. This fear causes people try and fit into the perceived mold of funders rather than offer something similar to everyone else rather than offer a gift that might better fit the situation. Consequently, a great question for individuals and teams facing uncertainty is, “What gift do you hold in exile? We need it now.”

In the end, knowing our gifts — both individual and personal—grounds us, providing a solid foundation for successful action in any situation.

Retreat experience

Team members got into groups of three to tell individual stories of past success handling change (one person listened and asked questions while the other wrote down the gifts the speaker contributed to that success). After the story was complete, the scribe read the gifts she noted, the listener expressed the gifts she received, and the speaker said thank you. We repeated this exercise for stories of team success, during which we identified the gifts of both individuals and the team.

4.   Clarify Your Identity                                                                                 

Community-based rituals and traditions help reinforce our identity and sense of belonging. Sebastian Junger

Identity is the intersection of gifts and passions; someone with a clear identity effortlessly does what it calls them to do. Consider successes across several situations and contexts – what did you naturally bring to that situation? Think of an identity like a personal brand – how would people describe the experience of working with you, the qualities that make you great? Why is having a clear and inspiring identity important?

• Generates authenticity. When the future is uncertain, having a clear identity helps you stay grounded and not chase answers that aren’t right for you or your team. Mission creep leads to chasing dollars and the corresponding indifference, inefficiency, and incompetence. Matching your identity with what the world needs generates more income over time because your team will be effective, passionate workers.

• Inspires action. It is easy to do what you deeply believe you are. (When I wondered why I didn’t write more, my coach pointed out that I happily worked out every day because I identified as an athlete; when he asked if I identified as a writer, I hesitated. “There is your problem; when you identify yourself as a writer, you will write more.” Now I’m writing daily – not just my book, but also blogs, LinkedIn notes, and helpful emails.)

• Builds confidence. Identity is the center from which you can confidently step into the unknown with experiments designed to learn how new projects fit you.

Retreat experience

The overarching question we posed to the group is, “Who do we want to be, both for each other and in the world, as individuals and a group?” So, we asked each person to take two large sticky notes and 5 minutes to write down their identity in six words or less. Each person then read their identity as they posted it on the board. The team then shared their experiences and how they saw this person, which invariable uplifted (made more clear and powerful) how the person saw themselves (people tend to sell themselves short),  inspiring everyone about who this person was for themselves and the team.

Then, we asked each person to write on a large, yellow sticky note what they considered the team’s identity. Each person read what they wrote and placed the sticky on the board. Then, we asked people for the top three themes emerging from the team’s collective statements (and wrote each on a large green sticky) and placed them on the board. A group conversation then clarified a working identity that inspired them all.

5.   Move

Movement is what humans are. And when humans move their bodily selves—consciously exercising or not—they stimulate whatever resources exist within them to respond to life’s challenges. Kimerer L. LaMothe, Ph.D.

You can better manage liminality with the movement of all kinds: physical, emotional, psychological, organizational, and conceptual. However, to be beneficial, movement needs to be intentional rather than impulsive (another reason to practice mindfulness). Moreover, small movements usually lead to graceful learning rather than the cycles of dramatic effort and overwhelming feedback that come with big moves.

You can also bring the benefits of “movement” to many situations:

• Take a conversation in a new direction by asking different questions and offering your vulnerability, which will elicit new information and feelings and lead to a shift in the relationship.

• Have your team visit another site or agency to bring a new perspective, relationships, and information.

• Move your body for 5 minutes every hour (even at your desk – or try standing for a meeting or small group break-out conversation) to release anxiety and sharpen thinking.

• Consistently try small, low-risk experiments as “research” rather than working on final solutions to unlock people from the paralysis that comes with uncertainty.

Retreat experience

At this point in the day, everyone stood in a circle and did synchronized, playful movements to the song “Shake It Off.” Throughout the retreat, we constantly shifted people between whole and small group conversations (rotating who was in small groups together). We had them move outside to meditate and move rooms to eat. At the end of the retreat, we asked everyone to commit to taking a small step (experiment) toward their vision using their identity.

Most importantly, we took a design thinking approach to creating a collective future: fail fast and fail cheap by conducting small iterative experiments to learn about a new program, process, or product. The group identified several essential research questions, and then “interviewed” each other while one person role-played a client. We compared notes, identified themes, and designed the next set of “experiments” (some were new questions for interviews while some were “action research,” like hosting a single session designed to explore a new group therapy model), which the group would undertake after the retreat.

6.   Express Wants

If you don’t ask, the answer is no. It takes conviction, creativity, and practice to ask the world what we want. Many of our most significant moments of learning and growth are born out of this vulnerable state of uncertainty. Yet, we often shy away from asking for support because it’s outside our comfort zones. Carrie Rich.

Wants are distinct from needs, and expressing wants will move you from surviving (needs) to thriving within the identity you’ve defined for yourself. Wants can be tangible or intangible but must be clear and actionable. The key to expressing wants is to be as direct and concise as possible because the request loses power when people explain, hedge, or soften. Also, it’s best to make the process a mutual exchange of wants, especially when there is already difficulty in the relationship. In cases where the initial want cannot be met, both should try to understand the request more deeply (asking questions like “Why do you want it, what does it look like, and how would you know you got it?”).

Wants are often unexpressed expectations, leading to resentment when they aren’t magically addressed. Regularly expressing wants gives people agency, clarifies roles, and generates ongoing and calm conversation that works through the complexities of how to best support each other, reinforcing interdependency. Being direct and concise gives people the power to request and generates a more productive dialog.

The following mantra helps guide people through the conversation spurred by the direct, concise expression of wants: Ask for what you want, offer what you can, and know why for both.

Retreat experience

We didn’t have time for each person to express the wants of every other person (which is ideal for a team), so team members sat in a circle and expressed a want of the whole team or any person (as we unpacked the requests, several wants were mixed requests of the group and individual). Almost all initial expressions were relatively vague and needed to be sharpened. Most people didn’t know exactly what they wanted or how people could provide it, but expressing any want led to clarifying and empathetic dialog. In the end, when the want became fully understood, people:

• Unburdened themselves by expressing and clarifying their want.

• Appreciated being asked for help.

• Understood each other’s work more deeply.

• Empathized with each other’s challenges.

• Willingly offered to give people what they wanted.

People’s relationships became much closer because they expressed their wants so directly, defying our natural tendency to avoid asking for fear of offending someone. Moreover, they practiced the vulnerability that will be the foundation for the team’s future success.

7.   Write a Future Narrative

The ability to envision change through new narratives can empower teams to transform organizational culture and drive progress. By reflecting on our stories, we understand how mindsets can enable or inhibit fresh thinking. Jonathan H. Westover

Writing a collective narrative makes it easier for a team to live into an uncertain future together; the process is more about envisioning a successful journey than defining the destination, which is often uncertain in liminal space. Individual narratives should also be woven into the group narrative.

We create a new narrative by writing it down or capturing it visibly. There are many ways to do this, including the following:

• Individuals write their own stories for the group; then, the group aggregates them into a whole that works for everyone.

• The group writes the story together by posting milestones on a timeline posted on the wall (see below).

• The group creates a vision board using photographs, magazine clippings, print images, or art to represent the things they would like to manifest into reality. This vision board should include why they do what they do, what they want, and how they will achieve it. A written narrative can be pulled from there.

The process reminded everyone that every good story involves characters who have gifts and flaws, situations that involve expected and unexpected challenges, and an arc that reveals setbacks and growth on the way to what’s often a surprise ending. A narrative allows our creative side to imagine a different future and new possibilities for what our life can look like on the other side of change, which can be cathartic and support teams in bringing those goals to reality.

Retreat experience

The first step was to write a story of the agency’s past to prepare the team for a successful future. We put long sheets of paper on the wall with a timeline of the agency’s history. Then we had them write the following on the timeline directly or on sticky notes:

• Milestones of any sort

  • Changes in leadership

  • Growth or reduction in size

  • Shifts in programming

  • When they wrote strategic plans and how that went

• Any trends over time

• External events and how they affected the organization

• Challenges and how they responded

• Anything that empowered them to get where they are now

Then, we broke the group into three to make the timeline data meaningful by asking, “What narrative of the past would give you the most power heading into this liminal space?” For example, “We’ve always been behind the times” is disempowering, whereas “We’ve always been measured in our changes so that we’ve remained resilient” is empowering. We aggregated each group’s statements and built an empowering narrative of their past that sets them up for a successful future.

Then, we put the team’s identity statement on the wall – i.e., who they are right now – between the past and the blank future timeline. Before starting the future timeline, people discussed in groups of three: “How might your identity frame your future?” We aggregated and created a cohesive framework for the future, then moved into creating the future timeline, which included the following key elements:

• Written in the present tense – it’s already happened!

• The questions that, if answered, would shift the trajectory of their future

• Challenges they will face and overcome

  • The current gifts they drew upon to overcome these challenges

  • What they needed to learn to meet those challenges

  • Community gifts that supported them along the way

• Lines of potential experimentation and when they will resolve them

• Who they would engage as clients, partners, volunteers, etc.

• Milestones and dates – growth, accomplishments, lessons learned, etc.

Conclusion

I don’t have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness–it’s right in front of me if I’m paying attention and practicing gratitude. Brene Brown.

According to team members, the retreat was successful. They learned the tools and built a deeper foundation upon which they can respond to the future. This success can be expressed through two anecdotes. First, two people stayed at the hotel after the retreat and worked through some tensions that had been simmering for some time. They both met with the leader to share their breakthrough.

Second, one of the working groups within the larger team met and had a breakthrough of vulnerability that led not to resolution but to an understanding of the depth of their problem. Most importantly, the group did nothing: they sat with uncertainty rather than react and worsen the situation.

This level of vulnerability—staying connected despite problems—is the key to real breakthroughs because wise action will emerge from a mind that can remain silent and observe the chaos. Not doing anything is a brave step, and as Brene Brown says, “The level of collective courage in an organization is the absolute best predictor of that organization’s ability to be successful.”