I'm a Vulnerary
WTF is that? Read on, because it's a gift...
Because my work is too touchy-feely for some people, I've been underselling my book about humanizing public conversation by saying, “It seems OK to me.” It might not be for everybody, but I know our teams, communities, and country need these skills and strategies to build the connection and belonging necessary to get anything done that matters.
My book is a "practicum for leaders" (John Pepper, former CEO of P&G) that shows how to facilitate conversations that generate the vulnerability essential to being with each other despite differences. I’m done worrying about what people think because my experience (and Brene Brown’s research) demonstrates that vulnerability is the foundation of change.
How we feel together is the foundation of progress. Marketers don't sell a product; they sell an identity and an emotional experience to inspire a purchase—like buying the cologne that allows me to be Johnny Depp ripping power chords and strutting through the desert in leathers.
My book helps leaders facilitate conversations that make space for people to feel and express their true identity and unique gifts. This foundation of radical authenticity enables teams to co-create a collective identity that inspires them to become that daily.
It works. Since shifting my identity to "author," I write more (it's what writers do) -- and people are noticing that work. Since entering recovery, I've identified as a vulnerable person with the strength to overcome suffering and pain. Chat GPT says that means I'm a "vulnerary, derived from the Latin word vulnus (wound). A vulnerary tends to wounds—both their own and others. It captures the essence of using vulnerability as a strength to heal, connect, and grow." It's a weird term, but it captures how I identify myself.
Leaders might also learn to identify as vulnerable. Gen Z certainly understands that authenticity and connection lead to mental health: research indicates that Generation Z (born approximately between 1997 and 2012) is more open about discussing mental health issues compared to previous generations. A 2018 survey by the American Psychological Association found that 37% of Gen Z individuals reported having worked with a mental health professional, a higher percentage than older generations (the American Psychological Association). This openness suggests a greater willingness among Gen Z to acknowledge and address their vulnerabilities.
Much of our country is angry right now. Anger only covers pain, so to heal our country, our local leaders need to tend to those wounds when they convene a public conversation. If we don't get vulnerable with each other, positions will harden, and relationships will calcify.
Teams at work need the same. I can't tell you how many team members will say to me in a confidential interview that they hold gifts in exile from their team, afraid they will be ridiculed for being creative. Or how their professional identity doesn't match the role they play at work, stifling their passion. People are even afraid to ask for what they want to thrive at work, instead settling for what they are given to survive. This is what happens to teams that are afraid of vulnerability. How can we expect people to come together and write the story of their collective success when they don’t know each other’s authentic selves?
So I’m tired of selling myself short — of keeping my gift for self-reflection, deep feeling, and authenticity from the world; of denying I’m a vulnerary. Recovery has shown me that vulnerability works, allowed me to grow through suffering, and deepened my ability to hold space for others to become vulnerable and transform themselves. Right now, the world needs that gift, so I’m no longer afraid to say, “Click on the link below and buy my book if you want to learn how to facilitate conversations that inspire profound change.”
Great chapter! 👍